Source: Bigstock
Everyone loves cute, harmless, furry little donkeys, right? The Germans don’t—possibly because the Germans aren’t always really Germans at all anymore, but Syrians, Afghans, Somalis, Turks, Iraqis, Eritreans, etc. But what in the name of all that’s heilig have imported Muslims got against donkeys? The fact that donkeys are known Christian collaborators, that’s what.
Unlike giraffes, narwhals, unicorns, or wildebeests, all of which are left conspicuously unmolested right across the nation, you often see donkeys participating in traditional Christmas Nativity scene displays in German town centers, thus making them potential targets for attack by angry Islamist butchers. The best way to repel such criminals may be to fill the stables up with pigs instead.
One pair of unfortunate asses were happily chewing straw next to Baby Jesus in the small town of Erbach earlier this December when the fake stable in the place’s annual Christmas Market was invaded under cover of darkness at around 4 a.m. on 30 November before interlopers began torturing the tame and helpless animals. A concerned citizen, observing the scene from his window, said he saw “one of the culprits punch a donkey” before destroying the associated Christmas decorations. For good measure, the vandals then broke into a nearby church, smashed things up, and shat all over the place. According to some reports, the perpetrators had already attacked similar seasonal attractions elsewhere in the area. But not attacked any mosques. Obviously.
“The best way to repel angry Islamist butchers may be to fill the stables up with pigs instead.”
Donkey Hurty—by Ali Baa-Baa?
Whodunit? Or, in terms of the turds, Poodunit? As this was clearly an anti-Christian—or anti-infidel, maybe—hate-crime incident, the natural guess would be “imported Muslims.” Certainly that’s the automatic assumption many online commentators immediately jumped to. However, let us be fair: The donkey-bashing culprits have not as yet been apprehended by the local Gestapo, so it could well have been some passing Hare Krishnas, or even the unquiet ghost of Oliver Cromwell.
More realistically, it may have been left-wing or nihilist anti-Christian thugs, rather than specifically Islamic anti-Christian thugs, but the restrictive intricacies of German criminal procedures make it hard to tell. Even when arrests are made, German authorities have a very strict policy of never releasing the full names or images of suspects in criminal cases anyway, lest anyone realizes 99 percent of them are brown men called Muhammad (the other 1 percent are black men who prefer to spell it “Mohammed”). So until and unless any actual arrests are made, we shall never truly know.
Then again, with my Shylock Holmes hat on, I notice there may just possibly have been some kind of an undeclared Israel-Gaza angle to this whole thing, which should not be ignored. About a week prior to the Erbach donkey pogrom, a prominent news story in the German media had greatly angered the nation’s many Mohammedans.
Following the Israeli bombardment of the Gaza Strip, post–Oct. 7, Koran-lickers have continually been demanding more Palestinian refugees be admitted into Europe. The problem is, which ones to allow in? Many may be Hamas terrorists only disguised as helpless war cripples; it was difficult to tell, lots of these people have their limbs chopped off anyway. So, just to be safe, the German government decided to prioritize admitting one particular class of Gazan refugee above all others…donkeys. When Berlin’s security services said any Palestinian incomers had to be carefully vetted, making sure they were all farm animals was not quite what they meant.
When news broke that the government had refused to ship in any wounded Gazan children, but had quite happily flown across four donkeys to Oppenheim Zoo to be fed as many free carrots up either end as they could possibly handle, as part of something called “Project Donkey Flights,” the country’s substantial Islamic population began to quite literally explode with rage. Can it really be just coincidence that, a mere few days after donkeys were revealed as being enemies of the intifada, two were fisted in the face in front of a shocked Holy Family in Erbach?
Christmas Mourning
Even if the ass-pounders responsible do not turn out to be Muslim, but just a bunch of random Jesus-hating druggies, the general pattern of assaults upon German Nativity scenes and Christmas Markets is nonetheless plain: Most reported assailants really are “New Germans of a migration background,” or “Merkel-Hatchlings,” as they are technically known.
On Dec. 8 last year, 11,000 Syrians (not a misprint—although that number being there is certainly a massive mistake in another sense) marched into the Christmas Market in Essen, chanting, “Allahu Akbar!”—which is Arabic for “Christ is born, let’s kill Him!”—while shooting guns into the air, like these insufferable people do absolutely everywhere they fucking go.
The reason for the mass celebration with live ammunition was that the hated dictator Bashar al-Assad had finally been deposed, making it completely safe for the Syrian refugees to all return back home, as it was Bashar they were meant to have been fleeing. And yet, one year later, here we are, and most of these same people are strangely still there squatting in Germany nonetheless, firing their guns off for Christmas anyway—although now mainly at native Germans rather than safely into the clouds above. A few months earlier, in September, a Syrian refugee had already injured 31 people in a knife and machete attack in the same town.
Germany’s Christmas Markets are under nationwide threat, with ever more shutting down due to the prohibitive costs of protecting them from potential terror attack—which is precisely what the incoming Islamists wanted all along, their intended genocide being cultural as well as physical and demographic. By law, all such events in the country must now erect expensive concrete and metal barriers, as well as installing a two-meter-wide perimeter of sauerkrauts strung across barbed wire, to keep all the diversity-bringers using cars as improvised vehicular weapons out. And unlike free accommodation for Gazan donkeys, the German Federal Ministry of Finance won’t necessarily fund the cost of paying for them all.
The latest example is of a group of five Muslim migrants, including an Egyptian imam, being arrested after plotting to snowplow a van into a crowd at a Christmas Market in Bavaria—quite why it takes five men to devise a plot that consists, in entirety, of (1) buy van, (2) turn ignition key, and (3) kill kuffar is not wholly clear.
If the Egyptian imam turns out to be a “refugee,” the reason for his presence in the country would not be quite clear, either; the main imams Egypt is presently an unsafe zone for tend to be radical extremist ones linked to the Muslim Brotherhood, who continually plot to overthrow the land’s military government. If so, presumably the answer the imam will have given on the “Reason to Let Me In” box on his asylum application form will have been “Because I’m a terrorist.” To which the generous German state’s own response must have been, “Oh, go on, then, it’s Christmas!”
Cradle Snatchers
Germany’s time-honored Weihnachtsmarkt is clearly every bit as much of an endangered species as German donkeys now are. It’s the same in other newly Islamized lands across Europe like Belgium, where one tactic tried to alleviate needlessly created interethnic and interreligious tensions is appeasement. In Brussels, the city center Nativity scene this year had a Holy Family whose faces were deliberately featureless and made up of an inchoate yet inclusive pixelated 8-bit mosaic of varied global skin tones, so as not to alienate any incomers by cruelly privileging white Europeans over all other visitors. This way, it was said, “anyone can see themselves in them,” even Ilhan Omar.
And how did said diverse incomers respond to this kind show of welcoming inclusivity? They beheaded the Baby Jesus and ran away with his severed multiracial skull.
Again, no one’s yet been caught, and Brussels police suddenly announced Jesus had supposedly not been beheaded after all, just kidnapped full-bodily (such an easy mistake for them to make!). But, given that the crime came amid a wave of other Muslim-perpetrated destruction of such festive scenes, combined with the alleged ISIS-style neck-chopping modus operandi of the neo-Herods responsible, once again public suspicion fell squarely upon low-level amateur jihadis.
If Belgium demonstrates clearly that appeasement of the Turk will not work any better in 2020s Brussels than it ever once would have done at Lepanto, Tours, or the Gates of Vienna, then the German authorities have thought of a cunning new ruse to defuse the situation instead: ruin Christmas Markets’ previously wholesome situation in order thereby to discourage fun-seekers from wanting to attend them in the first place.
Yule Be Sorry
One potential method of doing so was to turn them all gay, as with the annual “Winter Avenue” Christmas Market they hold in Weimar Era 2.0 Berlin these days, where visiting Christopher Isherwoods, W.H. Audens, and Stephen Spenders (that last one’s rhyming slang) can head to wish themselves a Very Gay Christmas indeed.
According to one report, Berlin’s Winter Back Passage includes such wonderful traditional Christian attractions as a rainbow dome, pink-colored wine, lots and lots of lovely toilet cubicles, and the joyous festive presence of a presiding drag-queen cross between Jacqueline Onassis, Amy Winehouse, and the Whore of Babylon called Jacky Oh-Weinhaus. The den of iniquity is incredibly well shielded by barriers, CCTV, metal pillars, and police guardsmen—not only to protect visitors from Egyptian imams driving vans over their legs, but also to protect normal minds from corruption by queer filth. Before allowing entrance, armed guards are obliged to utter the following words: “This is an adult attraction; I have a duty to tell you that you or your children may see pictures of penises and things of that nature.” Things were much better when such items were just left dangling from the Nativity donkeys.
That’s one good way to put punters off ever visiting any more German Christmas Markets without ever having to explicitly invoke the specter of Islam, then. Another chosen solution was to veer from extreme left to extreme right and pretend the Nazis had surprisingly invented the things in their current form, twisting them to their sinister ends to re-form them into zealous centers of bigotry, extremism, and Jew-hate during the 1930s.
Actually, this second ploy might just work: If German Christmas Markets really are marketed as being literal Meccas of bigotry, extremism, and Jew-hate, then imported Arab extremists will begin immediately flocking to them en masse, Zionist donkeys on display or no Zionist donkeys on display. And they’ll never even consider attacking the things then, will they? Problem solved, multiculturalism works perfectly well for everybody involved after all.
All it remains for me to declaim out loud just in time for Christmas morn, then, is Frohe Weihnachten euch allen! Or possibly Frohe Weihnachten euch Allah—it’s hard to say anymore.
